14 Jan 22
What can't you do - yet?
I have recently learned a new sport. It’s called padel, and combines the best of squash, tennis and beach bats. I love the game, but find myself in that exciting and frustrating place of being a beginner. On the one hand a great excuse for the random nature of my game, on the other hand I spend a lot of my time alternating between shouting at myself and feeling compelled to apologise to my padel partner.
After a few games I was at that place where I knew that whatever I was doing wasn’t optimal, yet I didn’t know exactly what that was - and so I got a coach. She observed me, told me how I was letting my wrist swing instead of my arm, how I lean back instead of forward… and many many other pointers. In addition to technique, she helped me to hear how I was talking to myself. For example, I kept apologising when I really didn't need to. She also pointed out when I was getting too anxious about a shot, and making my body tense up; which is not a good starting point for play. Once I was made aware of these easy to implement tweaks, I could begin to notice, and then attempt to practise the ‘better’ move.
I had moved between the phases of learning where one goes from having no idea what one is doing – just reacting; to knowing what one could be doing better, but not doing it; to finally starting to be able to choose the action I want to take.
It turns out that with just a few small adjustments, the balls which I had been smacking like I was playing cricket, were finally staying in the court. On occasion they were even dropping exactly where I intended. (Okay… very occasionally, but still.)
And much like other games or practices we engage in, my padel practice represents parts of real life. How often are we just in it, merely surviving, reflexively defending ourselves, or avoiding a challenge? It begs the question: what habits are we living in that we can’t see for ourselves, and could an outside perspective be useful? If we allow ourselves to get feedback, we can start to see where we are holding ourselves back, and with just a few adjustments, we can break unhelpful patterns and we can move from surviving to thriving.
There are two key things required for you to benefit from feedback:
The first is willingness, with a desire to learn. You will simply be getting someone else’s perspective, but considering their view of your strengths and areas of improvement, could go a long way in helping you to up your game, and get better results from what you are doing. The more you develop yourself, the more these improvements ripple into other areas of your life.
It’s good to remember that not all feedback is necessarily equal, but it can be useful to consider it regardless. Realizing it is simply an opinion, you can decide if it resonates for you or not. How much of what the person is saying is valid? What does your reaction to their comments tell you about yourself? Can you use this to grow?
The second requirement for you to benefit from feedback is having the right mindset. Carol Dweck, psychologist and author of Mindset – the new psychology of success (2006) differentiates between a ‘fixed mindset’ and a ‘growth mindset’. Simply put, those with a fixed mindset believe that their abilities are fixed traits and therefore can’t be changed, regardless of effort, while those with a growth mindset believe that their skills and abilities are not cast in stone, but with effort and practise can be improved. It’s a case of “I can’t do that – yet.”
By intentionally choosing to have someone give you feedback and by deciding to show up as a learner, you give yourself permission to try, and fail, and try again. You will open yourself up to possibilities that you were not even aware of and set yourself on a path to becoming a constantly improving version of yourself.